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Monday, November 26, 2007

Enabling and Apologetics

I urge everyone to read this great post by Gil, where he respectfully takes apart some statements made by by Agudah spokesman Rabbi Avi Shafran on the subject of child molestation. I agree with Gil's overall point. In my opinion, Rabbi Shafran is spending too much time explaining and obsessing on how Orthodox Jews are the victims of the media, and how our culture is under siege by people hell-bent on proving that the molestation issue is as prevalent in the Orthodox community as it is in society at large - and in doing so, Rabbi Shafran is completely dodging the issue here, an issue which sorely needs addressing. The issue that child molestation does exist in our schools, in our camps, in our neighborhoods. The issue that every single allegation of child molestation needs to be fully and thoroughly investigated. The issue that there are too many instances coming to light of people in our community turning a blind eye - whether out of ignorance or out of willful denial - to the cases of abuse that have seemingly occurred.

Is Rabbi Shafran correct that every allegation cannot automatically be treated as fact, and that there needs to be a some sort of balance to the wholesale panic and hysteria that can ruin lives if left unchecked? Yes. Is that the point that needs to be driven home? Perhaps - but it is certainly not the most important point to be made on this subject, and certainly not the point that needs to be made every single time Rabbi Shafran addresses the topic. It's almost as if Rabbi Shafran would have us believe that the fear of the community losing face over these allegations is somehow anywhere near as disturbing as the allegations themselves. The allegations, some quite credible, of children being abused in the most heinous manner by those who we entrust to care for them, to educate them. If Rabbi Shafran were to put out just one statement that would lead me to to believe that he is chagrined, devastated, completely emotionally wrought by the allegations of abuse and cover-up that have rocked the Orthodox world, then maybe I would feel more comfortable with the apologetics and attempts to paint the community at large as the actual victims of unfair media attention here. But the bottom line is that the victimhood is getting old. The victim here is not the Orthodox community, at the hands of a sensationalist press - or at least they are not the most pitiable victims. The victims, that just once, Rabbi Shafran might consider showing at least as much compassion for as he does for the reputation of our entire community, are...well, the actual victims of these heinous crimes.

Is Rabbi Shafran trying to enable child molesters? Is he truly looking to be complicit in the culture of cover-up that permeates our community when it comes to this subject? I don't believe he is. But I think his apologetics and his tone-deaf approach to the topic are misfiring, again and again.

53 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post. Well said.

12:38 AM  
Blogger Charlie Hall said...

"Is Rabbi Shafran correct that every allegation cannot automatically be treated as fact"

Of course he is. But every allegation needs to be investigated -- by the secular authorities. That is, after all, the law for mandated reporters.

12:59 AM  
Blogger Commenter Abbi said...

The apologetics is not half as bad as the other charedi belief that these things shouldn't be talked about, we should just quietly let the gedolim solve these problems. Talking about it only makes it worse.

5:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We cannot allow an insular group to handle such a problem without outside concerns looking OBJECTIVELY into such allegations for the safety of the child, family and community. No matter what religion, race or group.

No one is above the law. Like one of the readers said, there is mandated reporting required in such instances, including non-sexual abuse as well.

TALKING ABOUT IT does not make it worse, but puts the problem on the forefront of the agenda - and nobody likes that, but, in reality, it is necessary and proper.

8:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this important post. Harry Maryles also has a post about this topic here: Patting Ourselves on the Back.

I have a related question. Why are so few of the comments on Harry's blog, hirhurim or other knowledgeable Jewish blogs by women? Is it that women aren't reading those blogs or that women aren't comfortable making comments?

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Why are so few of the comments on Harry's blog, hirhurim or other knowledgeable Jewish blogs by women? Is it that women aren't reading those blogs or that women aren't comfortable making comments?"

relatedly: during a question and answer session after a lecture (including in secular, liberal university settings, in my anecdotal-but substantial- experience) why are the majority (often the cast majority) of questioners always male? i don't think the phenomenon is limited to jewish blogs, or even the jewish world. it's a good question, just perhaps slightly too-narrow as you phrased it.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Charlie Hall said...

Not related, but you might want to comment on it:

http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3476401,00.html

1:40 PM  
Blogger Charlie Hall said...

Dear Rabbi Wendrow,

You are barking up the wrong tree here. Give up!

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OM, thank you for finally deleting his comments!!!!

6:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great, great post. Thank you, Orthomom!

7:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OM - bless you for talking about this so openly. As an abuse survivor myself (some of it sexual) talking about it is the ONLY way to start healing. I have spoken about it on my own site and I talk to the victims I now work with as an anti-abuse advocate/volunteer.

IMHO, the Orthodox community - or any faith-based community, is doing none of its members any favors with misdirection & 'changing the subject' here. Its what both abusers & their enablers do. Its humiliating & invalidating for the victim.

This is part of the "blame the victim" mentality that comes into play that prevents many victims from coming forward and/or being shunned for Loshan Hara. IMHO - its a mitzvah, because hopefully the abuser will get some accountability and help.

Additionally, victims from an observant abuser, sometimes come to equate their faith & observancy with uncomfortable sexual feelings and even a PTSD trigger.

I would like to suggest that any congregation or group that wants, gets a screening for their members of NARROW BRIDGE as well.

Blessings again, OM! and thank you!

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To 5:10am Abbi said;
I feel sorry for you, and others like you, do you really think not talking about it will make it go away??
We must educate you as well as others to abuse that has gone on everyday for...what forever??
Soo in your world we should do as the church did, and pretend it did/does not go on??
History repeats itself, especially with this subject, and then the abused become the abuser.
Read, Learn, Spread the word,
Please donot pretend it doesnot exist. The abusers love your kind.
Sorry to be crude, the children are whom I am thinking of..we must protect them.

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dear Charle Hall-1:40pm
thanks for the link I found it Very interesting.

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the same way that yeshivas and bais yaakovs deal with 'stranger danger", I think there is a real need to educate our children on what is ok and not ok when it comes to touching. I'm not only talking about teachers and rebbeim with children , but also children to children. In a very insular society our children are growing up naive as to what is ok or not ok. I'm not advocating sex-ed (that's a whole different topic) but our kids really don't know what is ok or not. That inevitably leads to kids calling each other 'gay' and not really knowing what it means, and maybe thinking that an inadvertant touch makes you gay. Not talking about it doesn't make it go away.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cub Scouts of America has a pamphlet that parents must review with their sons about recognizing improper behavior in adults in order for the scout to advance. In other words, another group of people that has this problem has found an approach. Perhaps yeshivot can learn from what's already being done.
See Youth Protection and Adult Leadership

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm afraid that this not the proper venue for such a discussion. Just imagine what the Pamela Greenberg crowd is going to dredge up for the next bout!

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Frank, you're pathetic. If you in your wildest dreams think that anyone would attempt to win an election by now accusing someone of being a child molester, you my dear man are the one who needs therapy.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Commenter Abbi said...

Oy, anonymous 11:52 AM: Try a reading comp course: I was LAMENTING the horrible charedi belief that you shouldn't talk about the sex abuse problems.

2:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Brethren,

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be upon you this Shabbos!


Your Dear Brother in Christ,


Rabbi Neal Abraham Wendrow

6:24 PM


IT IS ALIVE!

3:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear moderator,
please post a new blog concerning what happened in Gourmet Glatt recently. Approximately two weeks ago there was mistakenly allowed by the mashgiach of the five towns the brand "bushs best" original baked beans which has in its ingrediants bacon meat, versus the vegetarian brand which is certified kosher. The outrage is that the Vaad of 5 towns has not alerted the community of this mishap, and for those who purchased this brand must kasher their dishes and utensils immediately bec. of the treif meat

12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon 12:39

Even if this story is true. You are obviously not a rabbi. The halachot of such a labeling error are very complex, and it is far from clear that dishes have to be kashered, as you say. this has happened before to many other stores, and the stores are given a psak on how to handle it on a case by case basis. I would imagine that even if the store knows that people actually cooked the beans (not necessarily the case as they may have caught the error before people cooked the product - not too difficult with today's computerized checkout and inventory systems) they have gotten a psak that renders the amount of meat in the product negligible in a bdieved situation.

Stop trying to peddle hysteria.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

10:46 AM: It may have been a SHIPPING error and not a LABELING error because Bush's does make different baked beans. I for one am always careful, even in a kosher supermarket, because you cannot always trust those who oversee the buying and shipping process - learned that a LONG TIME AGO.

Some sort of statement should have been put out by GG as to whether this occurred or not. SILENCE is very dangerous - and keeps rumors from going to rest as well as makes the VAAD look very stupid.

I'm all for telling it like it is - and getting the truth out. When Ravs are in the business, it's a conflict of interest to me - and they are just seeking that THEIR interests are not harmed - whether others are harmed or not by their decisions.

1:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It may have been a SHIPPING error and not a LABELING error because Bush's does make different baked beans

That would not change the halachic conclusions. And I know well that in similar cases, the halachic ruling has been that no kashering of utensils is required.


Some sort of statement should have been put out by GG as to whether this occurred or not. SILENCE is very dangerous - and keeps rumors from going to rest as well as makes the VAAD look very stupid.


Not sure why you think so. There was a major Bush mislabeling issue all over the Eastern seaboard. This was not limited to GG. I did not hear about it from anyone but the OU, who provide the Hashgocha.

When Ravs are in the business, it's a conflict of interest to me - and they are just seeking that THEIR interests are not harmed - whether others are harmed or not by their decisions.

Still busy with that old loshon hora that "Ravs" are in the GG business? That has been disproven 100% to my satisfaction by many higher-ups in the Vaad. There is no investor in GG that is invovled with the Vaad.

1:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You got the story totally wrong. It was a labeling error by Bush's, and the cans were recalled. This was not limited to GG, but to many area markets.

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

to 12:39, since you ran around last night posting all over this and other blogs about the alleged GG sins, read as follows from the OU alerts:

May 08, 2007

Bush’s Best Vegetarian Baked Beans

Brands:
Bush's Best
Products:
Vegetarian Baked Beans (28 oz)
Date Code: 20671\BKBTN
Company:
Bush Brothers & Co. - Knoxville, TN
Issue:
A few cans of Baked Beans with pork were mislabeled as Vegetarian Baked Beans whose label bears the OU symbol. The affected product (distributed in Florida) can be identified by the date codes above and the words “Traditional Boston Recipe " on the lid. Affected products are being withdrawn from sale.

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the OU alerted the stores back in May 2007, why were these cans recently discovered in GG? If it's a simple matter of rescanning cans to make sure that their stock was not amongst the mislabeled ones why didn't they do it? Rabbi Eisen should have made sure that every can was rescanned even if he had to do it himself. We do rely on the Vaad for this.

9:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stick your baked beans; its a mistake and can be dealt with rapidly. I think the topic of sexual abuse of children in our society is FAR more important. Thank you OM for having the courage to ask important questions which need to be answered.

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH THANK YOU PRIEST NEIL!!!!!!!

BECAUSE OF YOUR BRILLIANT POSTING I DECIDED THAT I TOO WANTED TO SPEAK TO ZEUS, I MEAN JESUS.

PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE JESUS

4:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh! I guess no one wants me to meet with Rabbi Neal Abraham Wendrow face to face. Yes, he has converted me. Too bad my previous post has been deleted.

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Brethren,

All of these postings on "Baked Beans" underline the fact that Talmud Judaism enslaves while Biblical Judaism, through Yeshua, frees all!

Through Jesus Christ all food under heaven is kosher. Through Jesus our hearts are made clean so we would never harm children.

So fill your hearts with Yeshua and your chulent bowl with chazar!

Happy Channukah from Rabbi Neal Abraham Wendrow.

11:33 PM

I would rather leave you with a bullet hole between the eyes.

My best wishes on the health of your family.

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What type of animal would casually suggest murdering someone?

Wendrow might be annoying but Jews who think it is acceptable to even joke about snuffing out another life should be ashamed of themselves. Clearly, some of us are suffering from the Kahanist syndrome i.e. being a thug is a religious virtue!

9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
What type of animal would casually suggest murdering someone?

Wendrow might be annoying but Jews who think it is acceptable to even joke about snuffing out another life should be ashamed of themselves. Clearly, some of us are suffering from the Kahanist syndrome i.e. being a thug is a religious virtue!

9:46 PM


I never said I was a Jew.
PS. What's Kahanist?

12:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We only embolden Wendrow if we acknowledge him. Ignore the AHole and he will go away

10:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
We only embolden Wendrow if we acknowledge him. Ignore the AHole and he will go away

10:40 PM

Hemorrhoids don't go away on their own. The need to be surgically removed.

11:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He craves attention. The more he gets the more he seeks. Make believe he is not here and the A Hole will go away.

6:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have only to thing to say about

Wendrow's awful message:



FEH!!!!!!!!!

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a few things to say, but why waste my time.
Cheers

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also have a few things to say to Wendrow, but I don't know how to communicate with lower primates.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wendrow, I am ready to confess. So here it goes.

I think that you and your continuing posts are an annoying pain in the a**. We have no need for you.

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh! I guess no one wants me to meet with Rabbi Neal Abraham Wendrow face to face. Yes, he has converted me. Too bad my previous post has been deleted. Orthomom is a slut.

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The guy is a fuckin pedo, get used to it. No one just accuses a Rabbi of molestation. This isn't Duke lacrosse team. Excuse me Father but the Rabbi has sinned

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Not-A-Rabbi) Wendrow said:

"Through Jesus our hearts are made clean so we would never harm children."

What about all of those perverted RC priests who have been revealed and defrocked? THEY also fervently believe in your precious Jesus.

To posters in general (especially 643 am, 621pm, 358 pm) No need to use bad language on this board. let us act like adults. And 621 -- your mother should wash your mouth out with soap for saying such a vicious thing to our gracious and gentle cyber-hostess.

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